The Boy Jesus at the Temple - The Stepfather's Version

Luke 2:41-52 (New International Version)

The Boy Jesus at the Temple

41Every year his parents went to Jerusalem for the Feast of the Passover. 42When he was twelve years old, they went up to the Feast, according to the custom. 43After the Feast was over, while his parents were returning home, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but they were unaware of it. 44Thinking he was in their company, they traveled on for a day. Then they began looking for him among their relatives and friends. 45When they did not find him, they went back to Jerusalem to look for him. 46After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. 47Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers. 48When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, "Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you."

49"Why were you searching for me?" he asked. "Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?"

50But they did not understand what he was saying to them.

51Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. 52And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.






SCENE:
Mary and Joseph come upon Jesus after three days' of inconvenience and anxiety thinking they had lost their son.

MARY [to Jesus]:
Jesus Christ! We've been looking everywhere for you! What the hell on earth did you think you were doing? Where have you been?? Dad and I have been worried sick!!!"

JESUS [to Mary]:
Which dad do you mean, Ma? Do you mean your husband, or do you mean my real dad?

[looks skywards with a significant expression]

Anyway, I knew you would come back for me. My real dad says I am Son of God and when I grow up I will be a prophet. One of the very useful things you can do if you are prophet is predict the future and I predicted you would come back for me. Anyway, don't you know I had to be in my father's house?"

JOSEPH:
What the bloody hell do you mean? Stop talking utter rot. This [he gestured] is not my house!

JESUS:
I didn't mean you. I meant my real dad.

[Jesus looks up at the sky and back at Joseph defiantly.]

You're not my real dad. [turning to Mary] Is he, mum?

JOSEPH:
What???!!!!

[to Mary] So, you've told him about your "virgin" pregnancy, have you? Well, you could have given me some notice about that so I would at least have known I would no longer have parental authority over that, that little bastard. [He spits out the last word and glares angrily at mother and child.]

MARY:
Oh, Joseph. Please don't say that!

JOSEPH:
Yes, Mary. I knew I was a fool to marry you when everyone had said you had been putting yourself about. Jesus, you are superior supercilious little shit. Every time you go on about your other dad like this again, I will put you in your place and remind you about another interpretation that could be made about your origins. DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND, Son of Mary? [putting his face very close to Jesus']

JESUS:
Er, yes, dad. [sheepishly]

JOSEPH:
And remember, Jesus, m'boy, it ain't easy being prophet. People hate a know-it-all, preaching at them to be cleaner, neater, more giving and forgiving and telling them that nothing they do will ever be good enough. The rich especially hate being told that their chances of getting into heaven are virtually nil. No one likes a Communist Revolutionary and people like them and you are going to be make a lot of enemies who will wish you ill.

Now, Jesus, tell me the worst sort of punishment you can think of if the Roman soldiers want to punish the worst sort of people to cause them the most pain. Can you think of it, you little know-it-all?

JESUS:
Er, crucifixion?

JOSEPH:
Crucifixion, what, Jesus?

JESUS:
Crucifixion, er, dad ...

JOSEPH:
That's better, my son, and don't you forget that, or it will be the death of you.