Friday, 18 September 2009

Electoral Reform: my dastardly plot to turn the UK into a one-party state

I am scheming and plotting to turn the UK into a one-party state and am giving the same advice to all the parties about what they should put in their manifesto. The policies I propose can be found at:

If they all agree to pursue the same policies, then it would be nice if Peter Mandelson could be PM. (These policies are irresistibly and deliciously popular.) I would then claim credit for helping him realise his ambition and taking his rightful position in life, to be Lord of the Labour Party and First Lord of the Treasury. My prize would be that of being his consort, and he would be my Lord and Master ...

I have already vowed to give up sex with men (and to not even hope for any action from him as my husband, knowing of his preference for the stronger sex) in order to that he may feel comfortable in this arrangement. I do hope he and his advisers will not insist that I give up sex with women as well!

If any of my new girlfriends, ie the ones I acquire after becoming Lady Mandelson, are as attractive as Carole Caplin, the former topless model, I imagine I should be able to resist temptation, if he insists ....

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