Saturday, 28 July 2012

How I would have portrayed British history for the opening ceremony

There would be lots of fighting scenes.

1. As an island being constantly invaded by Romans, Vikings, Angles etc.

2. As a nation of pirates and buccaneers enslaving black people, selling them and colonising other peoples' lands.

3. Fighting every stupid war and losing all her colonies.

4. Being in turn invaded herself, by blacks, Asians, Poles and the Chinese, the last wave of people being the Olympic visitors....

Visually it could be quite stunning.

Dramatising the Viking invasions would be great fun.

Ditto the slave trade with black people clinking around in chains, the British selling opium to the Chinese to destroy their civilisation.

Nazis goose-stepping round the stadium would have had the audience gasping in surprise and consternation.

Then the fall of Singapore (with guns pointing the wrong way and the Japanese sneaking up behind the British on bicycles), the partition of India, the loss of colonies, the warmonger Churchill chomping on his cigar and choking to death on it, dragged out of the stadium in the way perhaps a dead bull would be dragged out of a bull ring by horses ....

Wave after wave of immigrant invasion - an Enoch Powell figure in the background gesticulating wildly and tugging at white people's sleeves, but being ignored - ending in the arrival of the Olympic visitors.  Everybody smiles, holds hands, hugs each other before ending in a spectacular can-can done by ladies covered in black wearing niqabs.  They strip off dramatically to reveal their lithe dancer's bodies, wearing very little but keep their niqabs on ....
Nazi salute at the Opening Ceremony.   Cute.

Oh, and no disabled people popping up everywhere and no crap children's choirs.  

As I thought, only a woman would have founded the spastic idea of a signing choir.  Technically, they were crap.  Visually, they were distracting and aesthetically unpleasing, but no one criticises women and the disabled these days, except me ...  

No comments: