"I found this hand on my person, and believe it to be yours", I would have said as I hand the hand of the groper back to its owner, in public.
I sometimes worry why I have never been groped by anyone at all. Was I too unattractive to be of interest to these alpha males?
I was once at a celebrity gathering and I did bump into Rolf Harris at the filming of the Dame Edna Celebrity Show. We didn't speak but he did made framing gestures with his hands as if he were composing a painting and putting me in a frame. I found this immensely flattering. I smiled vaguely at him and that was that.
Am I too late to sue him for not groping me and causing me hurt feelings and loss of self-esteem though? The more I think about it, the more hurt my feelings become and the more pronounced my sense of victimhood and worthlessness ...
If he had groped me I could have dined out on it, but he didn't, because he clearly did not find me attractive enough to pursue me more ardently, and now I am reduced to blogging about how I actually met him and having to confess that he never even deigned to grope me!