Thursday, 10 July 2014

Upgrading from girlfriend to wife

Dear Technical Support,

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better.

I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2005.

Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is. Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off.

Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2005, but I've been told there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2005, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.

Any advice would be helpful, many thanks.


Suggest you campaign for marriage and laws that shame sluts and organise a letter-writing campaign to that moral coward Nigel Farage to this effect. Declare an OFFICIAL Marriage Strike


Anonymous said...

From wikipaedia:

"Husband 1.0 once ran as a very successful standalone program. (7000 BC - 1960 AD).

Then unlicensed addons (written by various government agencies*), suddenly appeared and first of these got to be uploaded by the gaming community.

Childcare Credits negated parental responsibility where and gamers lost incentive to win.

Birth of babies got cash prizes, which made some leave this program entirely as it could not perform this task.

Taxes were hiked to pay for other SSMs children and made the program redundant.

A No Fault Divorce team of programmers hacked into the core, and rendered it useless.

The program was then sold with edutainment programs such as 'Free sex 4 U and Same Sex Education for the kids'.

[*Once uploaded, non of these addons could not be removed].

The program was not supported nor upgraded, and could only run on Civilization Vista/XP or earlier.

However in 2014 Husband 1.0 was bought outright by the subsidiary company LibConLab Alliance and rewritten as a slimmed down superfast version BabyFather 10.0 and a slower PC version BarbieFriend 7.0

The Government have announced a new operating system platform is is being rolled out in the Fall, called WhoreCraft (Banana Cream)."

Stephen Heatley said...

It also pays, when once successfully installed the upgrade, to change the screen saver to an unhappy state as now husband has to have unhappiness as his new happy state. This now shields against malicious software that might cross over to husband 1.0., usually in the form of spam emails.