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Thursday, 5 January 2017

Is Asperger's Syndrome a middle class excuse for bad mothering?

I think having your child diagnosed as having Asperger's is a kind of insurance against people saying you are a bad parent or that your child suffers from a hereditary weakness of character caused by liberal parenting. It is a get out of jail free card for the middle class mother who can afford a few visits to the paediatrician to get this diagnosis.

I have tried as hard as I can but no adult I have spoken on this subject - even if those who claim to have an Asperger's child - can convincingly describe a symptom of Asperger's Syndrome their child is suffering from. All they can do is mutter vaguely about social awkwardness, a short attention span or less than desirable behaviour. Children should be allowed to be weird and annoying without being ascribed a syndrome just because their mother wants to be protected from criticism.

If any child of mine were weird and annoying I would try to get it to hide its undesirable behaviour with reward for good behaviour as well as discipline and punishment, not just pretend it is some "syndrome" that I am powerless to influence.

If I had a kid I could pass off as normal but is a bit slow and annoying I would do my damnedest to pass it off as normal, instead of labeling it as autistic. Liberal parents seem to really hate their children.

Surely if you have any children at all you would like to think that they are at least marriageable? If you marry anyone who is obviously weird and annoying who was liberally parented or allow your children to do so, you probably deserve all you get.

100 comments:

MTC said...

As being someone with aspergers, growing up being told you're different, "special" needs etc is demoralising when you hit high school. As an aspie, you either overcome the limitations or you're trapped with your parents and you can't then survive on ur own. For me, I learned how to deal with my limitations.

I go to college but refuse the "special needs" that they lovingly offer - I am me, there is no more wrong with me than there is about a "normal" person.

You and others can deny the existence of aspergers as much as you want but it is I who has to watch my son struggle with his autism for his first decade of life - you cannot deny genetics. 😭 Aspergers is as real as the programs you're using to post this vile post.

Claire Khaw said...

So what is your problem exactly?

MTC said...

You're nothing but a cunt whose parents who were scared to show you love.

I agree that there are deadbeat parents that use their children's "syndrome" for their own agenda (my mother claimed higher DLA by faking that I have more than just aspergers) - I know of parents in shitty parts of town that couldn't give two fucks what their children do.

But here you're generalising and stereotyping a whole millions of parents who try their best. To say the least, you have your opinion and you're welcome to spouting untruths but my opinion of you (and most people would probably agree with me) - you're nothing but a cunt.

Don't punish your child too hard - they may see you for what you are - a really bad parent.

MTC said...

I don't have any problems exactly, except my tourettes that wont allow me not to call an arsehole a cunt.

Claire Khaw said...

So you don't "have any problems exactly". Then what was the point of being diagnosed?

Oh right. It was your mother who got you diagnosed to claim higher DLA.

Which just proves my point.

MTC said...

That I had problems.

As I said, as an aspie, you either overcome it (then u have no problem) or you don't (then there are problems).

I overcame my problems and people who are intelligent and not ignorant helped me to get here.

TG said...

Claire, frankly you're talking bollocks. I deal with people on a daily basis from all parts of the autistic spectrum and if you honestly believe parents are making it up as an excuse I would love to see you do a day in an autism parents shoes. They deserve a bit of fucking respect for the hard work they do, not crackpot theories that an entire medical condition has been created to cover for laziness.

Claire Khaw said...

If I had shit kids I'd be ashamed of myself.

TG said...

And now it becomes clear you're a troll.

Claire Khaw said...

Why am I a troll just for saying I'd be ashamed of myself if I had shit kids?

MTC said...

My problems was not talking till I was 6, not understanding facial expressions, not understanding why change is an important part of life, not understanding how to understand lots of things that a normal child would normally just accept as "the way it is".

But aspergers isn't mainly about ME having problems. The REAL problem that having aspergers is that many people (including you) don't recognise our limitations and often, vile people exploit our naivety - bullying in school etc. We're easy targets compared to a normal child.

Claire Khaw said...

Your mother sounds like a welfare scrounger.

I wouldn't expect welfare scroungers to be good mothers.

Did you ever know your father?

MTC said...

Claire. Hope you die a slow painful death ya stinking shitebag.

There, its out my system. I'm done. Bye.

Claire Khaw said...

So you never knew your father? That might be a reason for your problems: fatherlessness.

AL said...

My niece was 10 when my sister found out she had Asperger's syndrome. Would you kill her then Claire?

Claire Khaw said...

Why would I want to kill your niece? She isn't bothering me. I have proposed that parents be given the option of committing infanticide. It is not infanticide if the child is no longer an infant.

AL said...

I was asking you, what would you do if you found out your 10 year old daughter has Asperger's syndrome? Too late to kill her?

Claire Khaw said...

What weird and annoying things does your niece do?

AL said...

Why don't you look up the autistic spectrum and Asperger's syndrome. You will have all the resources you need to find out there. Knowledge is power

Claire Khaw said...

It would be more authentic if you describe the nature of your niece's disability.

AL said...

Well, she does nothing at all to annoy me, it's about the way she interacts with people. She finds it difficult to pick up on cues unlike most people. It's not a problem for me or her mother, it's just harder work for her in social situations. She is beautiful, intelligent but her mind is wired slightly differently, that's all.

Claire Khaw said...

Could you give an example of a cue she might fail to pick up?

She is only ten. I really think children should be allowed to be a bit annoying and weird without being given a syndrome.

AL said...

I didn't diagnose her, she was diagnosed after seeing several specialists.

Claire Khaw said...

So as far as you can remember, she has done nothing out of the ordinary for a child?

AL said...

No, you have to remember this is about how she felt, not other people. She felt very strongly she was different. After several consultants examining her, it turns out she was correct. People with mental health issues, or any kind of disability do not necessarily affect others at all.

Claire Khaw said...

But she is only ten! Children do grow out of their annoying habits, you know!

AL said...

She's not annoying! This was about her finding out about herself. She will have Asperger's syndrome for life but at least she knows what her challenges are.

Claire Khaw said...

I have a friend whose daughter was just a little anxious and repetitive and was given a syndrome. I wonder if she might have grown out of it if she hadn't been given a syndrome. I never thought it wasn't anything she couldn't disguise or control.

Could you spot someone with Asperger's?

AL said...

I don't think so. These kind of diagnosis take a battery of tests that can last for years. To fall within the criteria of having Asperger's syndrome, you require to fulfill these tests within a very strict diagnosis protocol.

Claire Khaw said...

If I had a kid that was a bit weird I would try to get it to learn to control its behaviour.

AL said...

To a certain extent I can notice the traits because my father, my aunt, my nephew and my niece all have Aspergers syndrome.

The behaviour controls the child not the other way round.

Claire Khaw said...

You can't give an example of this behaviour though.

So what kind of thing would your father do?

So what kind of thing would your aunt do?

AL said...

No because it's mainly about how the individual feels rather than the experience of being with the individual. However people with Asperger's syndrome find social cues very different to people without. They find it very hard to display empathy.

Claire Khaw said...

So what kind of thing would your nephew do?

AL said...

I'm tired now, I really would suggest you would be better off looking this up.

Claire Khaw said...

I do wish you would describe a behaviour that is an example of Asperger's.

I actually think it is a big fat con.

AL said...

Will discuss this another time, you are 'flooding' me now Claire Khaw. It doesn't mean you are right.

Claire Khaw said...

We will seem weird to people if we don't learn to control our impulses.

AL said...

No, it's a medically recognised syndrome. Please look it up and educate yourself.

It's got nothing to do with controlling impulses now stop f****** flooding me.

Claire Khaw said...

Now you're saying your whole family has it without describing any accompanying behaviour!

What is it to do with then??

AL said...

They find displaying empathy difficult, and that is noticeable. However they are still talented and gifted people. Now once in your life why don't you go and do some f****** research before striking out at people less fortunate than you. Learn what you're talking about before you start talking about it.

Claire Khaw said...

I have been accused of being autistic as was Gordon Brown.

Not being simpatico means we are autistic? What crap!

AL said...

Fuck you, shit for brains.

Claire Khaw said...

I just want a description of a behaviour that you attribute to Asperger's. Is that really too much to ask?

AL said...

Although there are many possible symptoms of Asperger's syndrome, the main symptom is significant trouble with social situations. Your child may have mild to severe symptoms or have a few or many of these symptoms. Because of the wide variety of symptoms, no two children with Asperger's are alike.

Symptoms during childhood

Parents often first notice the symptoms of Asperger's syndrome when their child starts preschool and begins to interact with other children. Children with Asperger's syndrome may:

Not pick up on social cues and may lack inborn social skills, such as being able to read others' body language, start or maintain a conversation, and take turns talking.

Dislike any changes in routines.

Appear to lack empathy.

Be unable to recognize subtle differences in speech tone, pitch, and accent that alter the meaning of others' speech. So your child may not understand a joke or may take a sarcastic comment literally. And his or her speech may be flat and hard to understand because it lacks tone, pitch, and accent.

Have a formal style of speaking that is advanced for his or her age. For example, the child may use the word "beckon" instead of "call" or the word "return" instead of "come back."

Talk a lot, usually about a favorite subject. One-sided conversations are common. Internal thoughts are often verbalized.

Avoid eye contact or stare at others.

Have unusual facial expressions or postures.

Be preoccupied with only one or few interests, which he or she may be very knowledgeable about. Many children with Asperger's syndrome are overly interested in parts of a whole or in unusual activities, such as designing houses, drawing highly detailed scenes, or studying astronomy. They may show an unusual interest in certain topics such as snakes, names of stars, or dinosaurs.

Have delayed motor development. Your child may be late in learning to use a fork or spoon, ride a bike, or catch a ball. He or she may have an awkward walk.

Handwriting is often poor.

Have heightened sensitivity and become overstimulated by loud noises, lights, or strong tastes or textures. For more information about these symptoms, see sensory processing disorder.

AL said...

A child with one or two of these symptoms does not necessarily have Asperger's syndrome. To be diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, a child must have a combination of these symptoms and significant trouble with social situations.

Although the condition is in some ways similar to autism, a child with Asperger's syndrome typically has normal language and intellectual development. Also, those with Asperger's syndrome typically make more of an effort than those with autism to make friends and engage in activities with others.

Symptoms during adolescent and teen years

Most symptoms persist through the teen years. And although teens with Asperger's can begin to learn those social skills they lack, communication often remains difficult. They will probably continue to have difficulty "reading" others' behavior.

Your teen with Asperger's syndrome (like other teens) will want friends but may feel shy or intimidated when approaching other teens. He or she may feel "different" from others. Although most teens place emphasis on being and looking "cool," teens with Asperger's may find it frustrating and emotionally draining to try to fit in. They may be immature for their age and be naive and too trusting, which can lead to teasing and bullying.


All of these difficulties can cause teens with Asperger's to become withdrawn and socially isolated and to have depression or anxiety.

But some teens with Asperger's syndrome are able to make and keep a few close friends through the school years. Some of the classic Asperger's traits may also work to the benefit of your teen. Teens with Asperger's are typically uninterested in following social norms, fads, or conventional thinking, allowing creative thinking and the pursuit of original interests and goals. Their preference for rules and honesty may lead them to excel in the classroom and as citizens.

Symptoms in adulthood

Asperger's syndrome is a lifelong condition, although it tends to stabilize over time, and improvements are often seen. Adults usually have a better understanding of their own strengths and weaknesses. They are able to learn social skills, including how to read others' social cues. Many people with Asperger's syndrome marry and have children.

Some traits that are typical of Asperger's syndrome, such as attention to detail and focused interests, can increase chances of university and career success. Many people with Asperger's seem to be fascinated with technology, and a common career choice is engineering. But scientific careers are by no means the only areas where people with Asperger's excel. Indeed, many respected historical figures have had symptoms of Asperger's, including Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Albert Einstein, Marie Curie, and Thomas Jefferson

AL said...

I work for Adult Social Services and the autistic spectrum is complex and difficult to understand. Try faecal pica with smearing for example.

GC said...

Honestly, Claire? I think a complicated syndrome as ASD is, it would be impossible for someone with as little empathy and lack of social skills as you show, to understand.

And no, I don't believe you are on the spectrum. I believe you are just unpleasantly unempathetic and ill mannered.

IZ said...

AL could have given lots of amusing anecdotes about his autistic niece in the time it took to post all that Wikipedia stuff about Asperger's syndrome.

Claire Khaw said...

That was exactly what I was hoping for!

SA said...

My middle son has aspergers and adhd.

Why do you have a problem with that?

You know diddley squat about the issues.

Claire Khaw said...

Lack of discipline, probably. Is he the one deprived of his father?

SB said...

Nope.

Lack of discipline? You don;t even know how either condition expresses itself, yet you jump on the 'lack of discipline' chestnut.

Claire Khaw said...

You're a liberal parent guilty of liberal parenting.

SB said...

How does adhd and/or apsergers manifest in my son, Claire?

Claire Khaw said...

How would I know unless you tell me?

SB said...

Yet you claim that my son is a victim of liberal parenting. But can;t back that up....

Claire Khaw said...

You don't deny being a liberal parent, do you?

SB said...

A liberal parent? What does that actually mean?

I set strict boundaries and perameters for my kids. I have high expectations of them. Discipline wise, I'm strict.

Does that make me liberal?

And how does liberal parenting lead to adhd and aspergers?

Claire Khaw said...

https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2014/11/04/im-a-diehard-liberal-it-ruined-my-parenting/?utm_term=.641339ec77c4

Claire Khaw said...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2728487/My-children-turned-monsters-And-says-SHONA-SIBARY-s-fault-trying-nice-liberal-parent.html

SB said...

My parenting is fine, thanks.

Claire Khaw said...

How do you know your parenting is fine?

SB said...

My kids are turning out to be funny, warm, moral young men with a decent sense of self, ambition and a degree of philanthropy.

I'm not perfect, but thus far I think I've done ok.

Claire Khaw said...

By what criteria is parenting judged?

By the product: the offspring.

SB said...

My offspring seem to be turning out ok. The feedback from others is positive.

Claire Khaw said...

Asperger's is considered a disability, is it not?

SB said...

Aspergers can be considered a disability.

Claire Khaw said...

It's not what you would want your children to have.

If our offspring have anything wrong with them, we as parents do feel responsible in some way, don't we?

SB said...

How my son's aspergers applies itself to his life? You assume it's a disability, a result of my bad parenting. I don't feel responsible for my son's apergers.

GC said...

Why would anyone feel 'responsible ' for a another person's aspergers? Some consider it a disorder, some consider it an advantage. I'm in the latter group. People with aspergers are wonderful, creative, quirky people who give those without aspergers an opportunity to see the world through different eyes.

Claire Khaw said...

If your child had some heritable disability, then the fault may be in your choice of its father or your lack of ability to find a spouse who did not have those disabilities.

SB said...

How does aspergers affect my child Claire? You don't know. Yet you've condemned him as a product of 'bad parenting' without even knowing how it applies to him.

Claire Khaw said...

What are the symptoms of Asperger's?

SB said...

They are many and varied.

Claire Khaw said...

How does it manifest itself in your son?

SB said...

How? In a variety of subtle ways which have no effect on his ability to live a normal life.

Claire Khaw said...

Such as?

SB said...

Dear God, I'm not going to outline them to you. They are no business of yours; he's my son, not a case study for you to critique.

Claire Khaw said...

You must have done some reading on the subject. Can't you give an example of someone else's offspring suffering from Asperger's then?

SB said...

I'm sure I can. But as you're the one with an interest, why not go and google it?

Claire Khaw said...

It is very suspicious the sheer number of people claiming that their or someone's else child is suffering from Asperger's but unable to give a single authentic example.

SB said...

The sheer number? Really?

Claire Khaw said...

I think having your child diagnosed as having Asperger's is a kind of insurance against people saying you are a bad parent or that your child suffers from a hereditary weakness of character caused by liberal parenting. It is a get out of jail free card for the mother.

GC said...

Yes, but you are not a doctor or a psychologist or anyone who has the slightest idea about children. A fool.

AL said...

Don't you understand it's not about the signs of Asperger's syndrome, it's about the symptoms of the person who has it. They are not freaks like you somehow imagine. They just want a normal life like anyone else but have special and specific challenges. I can't tell you about Asperger's syndrome because I don't have it. I suggest if you really are interested, speak to someone who does have it.They will be able to explain fully.

Claire Khaw said...

If your kid has it, you should be able to describe at least one episode. None of you can describe a single incident. I think it is a big con.

AL said...

It's not incidental or - episodic that person has Asperger's​ syndrome for life. There is no point discussing this with someone who is so small minded and unwilling to learn or try to see anyone elses point of view. Unfortunately I think you're just ignorant.

Claire Khaw said...

I have tried very hard to elicit from you some description of behaviour that could be described as Asperger's-related.

AL said...

That's because they behave normally just like everyone else. With other types on the autistic spectrum they behave differently. But you haven't asked about other people on the autistic spectrum, you've only asked about Asperger's.

Claire Khaw said...

Autism can mean mental retardation.

If I had a kid I could pass off as normal but a bit slow and annoying I would do my damnedest to pass it off as normal, instead of labeling it as autistic. Liberal parents hate their children, don't they? They would rather pay to have their child labelled with a disability than have the child be regarded as normal and have to take responsibility for it. Despicable.

AL said...

They can be a learning disability factor in autism.

It's got nothing to do with the parents. Autism and the autistic spectrum are recognised by doctors. Much of the time it is not diagnosed when a person is a child and it's only when a person is grown up they are diagnosed.

Einstein had Asperger's​ syndrome and he wasn't that thick was he?

Claire Khaw said...

Who diagnosed him with Asperger's?

AL said...

A Doctor.

Claire Khaw said...

At what age was Einstein diagnosed with Asperger's?

AL said...

I don't know. Some people with Asperger's syndrome are geniuses, some are of normal intellect. Intelligence isn't a factor in Asperger's Syndrome.

Claire Khaw said...

Einstein was *never* diagnosed with Asperger's.

AL said...

Asperger's Syndrome is also known as high functioning autism. Einstein wasn't diagnosed with it during his life but some doctors believe he had it. What distinguishes Asperger’s Disorder from classic autism are its less severe symptoms and the absence of language delays.

GC said...

Will you stop abusing children, Claire. You're a sick puppy.

Claire Khaw said...

Whose children do you claim I have abused?