Thursday, 23 April 2009

St George's Day Greetings

I have received a rather lovely St George's Day card and pass on its excellent greetings to anyone reading this:

This royal throne of kings, this sceptred isle,
This earth of majesty, this seat of Mars,
This other Eden, demi-paradise,
This fortress built by Nature for herself
Against infection and the hand of war,
This happy breed of men, this little world,
This precious stone set in the silver sea,
Which serves it in the office of a wall,
Or as a moat defensive to a house,
Against the envy of less happier lands,
This blessed plot, this earth, this realm,

this England.

Shakespeare (Richard II)

May the goodness of St George,
the Patron Saint of England,
inspire and bless you and yours
on this our nation's
Festival Day.

Charming as this all is, I would like to suggest an alternative day that I would like to be called Britannia Day.

St Andrew's Day - 30 November
St David's Day - 1 March
St George's Day - 23 April

30 + 1 + 23 = 54 divided by 3 = 18

11 + 3 + 4 = 18 divided by 3 = 6, ie the sixth month

By this formula I have arrived at a British National Day, with an auspicious and pleasing number on a day likely to be warm and sunny.

18 June also commemorates the Battle of Waterloo, which is an excellent coincidence.

Those interested in military history may wish to visit

This National Day would be celebrated by two main television events, as well as feasting and drinking in moderation.

TV Idea No 1

The appeal of a beauty contest called Britannia the Beautiful open to all races of aspiring Britannias who will wear little else but the Union Jack would be great, I think.

Voting would be by SMS.

TV Idea No 2

An alternative Britannia in a Burqa could be just the thing to display the personalities of single British women of all races and religions not considered to be conventionally attractive. Single men would make offers of marriage only after their questions have been answered to their satisfaction. These women would of course also have a list of questions for the men about their prospects, property and ambitions.

It would be a bit like Blind Date but with the contestants in burqas. This would be when deportment, wit, learning and personality would come into its own ....

Only when an offer has been made and accepted would the burqa be removed to reveal the features and the form of the woman concerned.

I am quite happy to host this show if asked, in case any TV people looking for new ideas for game shows and TV competitions are interested.

If they do not think me suitable perhaps Terry Wogan or Michael Parkinson could do it.


Stuart Parr said...

I'd rather vote Labour than celebrate a British day. I'm English, not British.

Andromeda said...

I am afraid you are both English and British. You have a British passport, don't you?

What about non-whites who were born and live in England with Brum accents?

Could you have Asian-English Britons?

Oriential-Scottish Britons?

Black-Welsh Britons?

Alan Harvey said...

This is a pretty good idea from Andromeda - but any "British Day" to celebrate Britishness should not forget St.Patrick, St.Piran, St.Helier and St.Magnus etc.! Likewise I think that any British Day should concentrate upon the indigenous Keltic/Anglo-Saxon/Norse composition of the British people. Celebrations of our global cultural diversity, surely, should be made on a revived Empire Day (24th May), when we should remember Global Britain's gifts to the world.

As for Stuart Parr's assertion that he is "English" not British, just where did you receive your education Mr. Parr! What actually does "English" mean? I have never regarded myself as "English" although I was born and raised in Kent. Britain is Great, but England is little. England is merely a component part of a far greater whole.

michael said...

you need to add St Patrick's day into the calculation. Whenever I am asked 'nationality?' I always reply 'British' or on documents asking country of residence or country of birth 'UK'.

Claire Khaw said...

I left out St Patrick's Day on purpose because I believe that Irish nationalism ought to triumph and that a United Ireland is both geographically logical and politically inevitable.