Tom Harris MP:
"Obviously children will find it far too violent, distressing and horrific that Humpty should not be put together again."
* Seesaw Margery Daw, Johnny shall have a new master. He shall earn the minimum wage, because the Labour government made it legally binding.
* Rock a bye baby on the tree top, when the wind blows, the cradle will rock. When the bough breaks, the cradle will be safe because the tree has undergone a health and safety assessment.
* Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor doggie a bone. When she got there, the cupboard was full because she just had a delivery from Ocado.
* London Bridge is undergoing planned engineering works. Please wait for further announcements.
* Three visually impaired mice, three visually impaired mice. See how they run, see how they run. They all ran after the farmer's wife, who handed them over to the RSPCA.
* Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep – but she knows how to find them because she has satnav.
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