I could be prophet, in theory ...

"It was the characteristic of the spirit of the Jewish people that whenever monarch, priest or nation went astray, some ordinary man or woman would simply appear and announce what he or she believed to be God's view on the matter. In Hebrew such individuals were known as nabi' im, literally mouthpieces of God. In modern religious teaching they are referred to as 'prophets', but this is really a misnomer since foretelling the future was the least of their many attributes. Most importantly, a nabi was not a priest per se. The Jewish people had priests by this time, but they were regarded, and would continue to be regarded, as mere functionaries, supervisors of animal sacrifices, and ultimately of no religious importance. A nabi could be anyone. a courtier such as Isiah, priests such as Jeremiah and Ezekiel, even a woman, such as Deborah, but quite often an uncouth countryman, such as Eligjah the Tishbite, who in the ninth century, clad in a goat's hair shirt, came forward to condemn Israel's King Ahab and his flagrantly pagan Queen Jezebel. A nabi was supremely important because he represented the voice of God, but his inevitable problem was that of convincing others that he was what he claimed to be. The surest sign was working of what appeared to be 'miracles'. Moses reputedly first attracted notice by turning his rod into a snake, a story which, fantastic as it may sound, may well be true. A cobra, if given a sharp blow on the back of the neck, will go catalepitcally rigid like a rod, as Egyptian snake-charmers can still demonstrate. Moses seems simply to have reversed the process. And he followed this trick with some water-divining in the desert. The common feature of nabi'im was a commanding, probably hypnotic personality which enabled them, as in the cases of Elijah and Elisha, to practice 'natural magic', sometimes returning 'dead' people to life.

Nabi'im, because they tended towards an ascetic, 'back to nature' outlook, continually railed against the Jewish people for lapsing into hedonism and materialism that Moses had led them away from in Egypt."

From Ian Wilson's JESUS: THE EVIDENCE.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prophet

Just imagine, folks! I could be prophet.

Maybe I should just learn hypnosis and a few magic tricks.

Claire Khaw - a Chinese prophet for the British in the Greek and Jewish sense

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prophet

"The English word prophet comes from the Greek word προφήτης (profétés) meaning advocate."

This is indeed what I am doing for I advocate:

• the stigmatisation of SSMs https://www.facebook.com/pages/Are-Slut-Single-Mothers-a-burden-on-the-state/220271251432495?fref=ts for being the sex criminals they are 
• the formal prohibition of extramarital sex in all its forms, the repeal of the Civil Partnership Act 2005 and the cancellation of all plans to legalise, ugh, "Gay Marriage"
• introducing corporal punishment for all who have clearly committed fornication and adultery, and what could be clearer that you are guilty of this sex crime if you have ILLEGITIMATE offspring?
• acknowledging that widespread illegitimacy causes national degeneracy
• acknowledging that feminism has caused immigration because feminism has made most of the indigenous population no longer fit for purpose

amongst other things, without fear or favour.  

What is there not to like about any of the above if you are a sincere adherent of any of the Abrahamic faiths?

Therefore Jews, Christians and Muslims should rise as one to support me so we can win the fight against liberal feminist gay-righty degeneracy that is now infecting the entire Western world.

Jews already acknowledge the existence of female prophets.

According to the Talmud there were also seven women who are counted as prophets whose message bears relevance for all generations: Sarah, Miriam, Devorah, Hannah (mother of the prophet Samuel), Abigail (a wife of King David), Huldah (from the time of Jeremiah), and Esther.  Rashi points out that Rebecca, Rachel and Leah were also prophets.

There is no requirement for me to be Jewish either to be the Messiah.

Prophets in Judaism are not always Jews.

Before anyone accuses me of having a messiah complex http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Messiah_complex, let me say this:

If the Jews wish to make me their Messiah, it is the easiest thing in the world to do ONCE ENOUGH OF THEM HAVE DECIDED TO DO IT.

Apparently, to be the Messiah, I have to be a descendant of King David and have a July or August birthday.

1. Can anyone prove that I am *not* a descendant of King David? (It was Rabbi Zvi Solomons of Reading who pointed out to me the existence of Chinese Jews at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaifeng_Jews.)

2. Does anyone now have access to the DNA of King David?

3. King David had about 1000 wives and concubines and it is perfectly possible that one of the women he impregnated was an ancestor of mine.

It would be a lovely if the Jews of Britain decided that I was their Messiah. It would make them feel terribly important, would it not?

It would make them feel more important than the Jews of France or Ireland or even the Jews of Israel!

And how my Jewish friends would love and laud me! It is a DELICIOUS idea!

http://thevoiceofreason-ann.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/my-messianic-plan-for-self-enrichment.html

My Messianic Plan for Self-Enrichment, Self-Aggrandisement and, last but not least, World Peace

How wonderful to just wake up one morning and CONCEIVE of my Messianic Programme for World Peace.

First, I will persuade the Rabbi of Reading at http://www.rhc.org.uk/rhc/Rabbi.html to sponsor my conversion to Judaism and arrange for me to stay at a home of a nice Jewish couple in Golder's Green who will teach me how to cook and do things like a good Jewess.

Once I have done so I will go to Israel as Messiah of the Jews. I will then go to explain the benefits of Secular Koranism to the Knesset and the Rabbis of Israel.

Then, I will convert to Christianity, visit all the famous churches of Jerusalem, and then convert to Islam the next week, UNITING ALL THE ABRAHAMIC FAITHS in me!

I will be promoting my own race, the British peoples who will then be proud to be associated with me, the Chosen Peeps of whom I will soon be one and all the other Peeps of the Book mentioned in the Koran.

I have to UNITE all the Abrahamic faiths in me for World Peace and cannot be seen to favour any one faith. In me, shall reside the Holy Trinity of the Jewish faith, the Christian faith and the Muslim faith.

And then, and then, and then, after I have finished converting from one Abrahamic faith to another at the rate of knots, a week later I am seen to be enjoying roast suckling pig at a high party official wedding in China ...

Yes, that should sort it, I think.

Is this idea not THRILLING? Would you not like to help me in this and give me money to do this or prepare yourself to be make a drama-documentary of how the Messiah of the Jews came to be the Messiah of the Jews?

Of course you would!

http://www.truthnet.org/TheMessiah/4_Messiah_of_Judaism/

"Hmmmm.  Could he be Claire Khaw?"

The Boy Jesus at the Temple - The Stepfather's Version

Luke 2:41-52 (New International Version)

The Boy Jesus at the Temple

41Every year his parents went to Jerusalem for the Feast of the Passover. 42When he was twelve years old, they went up to the Feast, according to the custom. 43After the Feast was over, while his parents were returning home, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but they were unaware of it. 44Thinking he was in their company, they traveled on for a day. Then they began looking for him among their relatives and friends. 45When they did not find him, they went back to Jerusalem to look for him. 46After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. 47Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers. 48When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, "Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you."

49"Why were you searching for me?" he asked. "Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?"

50But they did not understand what he was saying to them.

51Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. 52And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.






SCENE:
Mary and Joseph come upon Jesus after three days' of inconvenience and anxiety thinking they had lost their son.

MARY [to Jesus]:
Jesus Christ! We've been looking everywhere for you! What the hell on earth did you think you were doing? Where have you been?? Dad and I have been worried sick!!!"

JESUS [to Mary]:
Which dad do you mean, Ma? Do you mean your husband, or do you mean my real dad?

[looks skywards with a significant expression]

Anyway, I knew you would come back for me. My real dad says I am Son of God and when I grow up I will be a prophet. One of the very useful things you can do if you are prophet is predict the future and I predicted you would come back for me. Anyway, don't you know I had to be in my father's house?"

JOSEPH:
What the bloody hell do you mean? Stop talking utter rot. This [he gestured] is not my house!

JESUS:
I didn't mean you. I meant my real dad.

[Jesus looks up at the sky and back at Joseph defiantly.]

You're not my real dad. [turning to Mary] Is he, mum?

JOSEPH:
What???!!!!

[to Mary] So, you've told him about your "virgin" pregnancy, have you? Well, you could have given me some notice about that so I would at least have known I would no longer have parental authority over that, that little bastard. [He spits out the last word and glares angrily at mother and child.]

MARY:
Oh, Joseph. Please don't say that!

JOSEPH:
Yes, Mary. I knew I was a fool to marry you when everyone had said you had been putting yourself about. Jesus, you are superior supercilious little shit. Every time you go on about your other dad like this again, I will put you in your place and remind you about another interpretation that could be made about your origins. DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND, Son of Mary? [putting his face very close to Jesus']

JESUS:
Er, yes, dad. [sheepishly]

JOSEPH:
And remember, Jesus, m'boy, it ain't easy being prophet. People hate a know-it-all, preaching at them to be cleaner, neater, more giving and forgiving and telling them that nothing they do will ever be good enough. The rich especially hate being told that their chances of getting into heaven are virtually nil. No one likes a Communist Revolutionary and people like them and you are going to be make a lot of enemies who will wish you ill.

Now, Jesus, tell me the worst sort of punishment you can think of if the Roman soldiers want to punish the worst sort of people to cause them the most pain. Can you think of it, you little know-it-all?

JESUS:
Er, crucifixion?

JOSEPH:
Crucifixion, what, Jesus?

JESUS:
Crucifixion, er, dad ...

JOSEPH:
That's better, my son, and don't you forget that, or it will be the death of you.